I keep this open condom wrapper in my bag so when I take out a pencil it “falls out” so everyone around thinks im #cool and #sexually active
That’s a tea packet u nerd
u mean those freshmen i bought it from lied to me????
when will it end
This is what British television looks like.
I love how the penguin just recognises Noel Fielding as a fellow monochrome being and waddles straight over to him.
FELLOW MONOCHROME BEING
i always sleep in a sports bra and shorts bcs then if my parents ever catch me in our kitchen at night i can pretend its because im leaving to go for a run and not bcs im secretly trying to eat large quantities of cake at 4 in the morning
say something i’m giving up on you
filling a bathtub with the substance, throwing the person you hate the most in the tub and throwing the ice cube in the tub right after …. it would be over
such evil minds in this place
i love this evilness
Nah, don’t just throw it in you gotta flick it dramatically over your shoulder without looking as you walk away, preferably with a darkly humorous one-liner.
"The cold never bothered me anyway"
I just shit myself omfg that is the best thing Ive ever heard
thats not some “substance” its just really cold water
WAIT I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETBING???? ARE SOULMATES ALWAYS BORN IN THE SAME GENERATION????? ?? WHAT IF UR SOULMATE DIED BUILDING THE GREAT PYRAMID???? OR WHAT IIF UR SOULMATE WAS A FUCKIN NEANDERTHAL WHAT IF CHARLEMAGNE WAS MY SOULMATE AND ILL NEVER KNOW FUCKKNG
"humankind" more like “humanmean"
the problem with reading a good book is that you want to finish the book but you don’t want to finish the book
i wonder if there is anyone nervous to talk to me.